Birthday Thought to Ellen Jan 26 2011
Tomorrow would have been your birthday.
Web reminders say that I should send a card;
I wonder how to do that from this earth to where you are.
So here’s my birthday card to you, my Love –
An imagined nosegay:
I’m picturing it fresh and pure and white,
With smell so sweet;
Each flower is a precious moment
That we spent together;
Reminder of our songs, our laughter, even tears we shed –
All more special in the love we shared.
I tell you now, again,
How very glad I am that you were born.
Two years after losing Ellen, I find myself marveling at how my life has evolved and how Ellen's and my communication with and love for each other have carried on. I'm sure that she, in spirit, has followed her own interests and mission to learn even more and to love even more. She is involved, watching over me and others whom she loved while here in the physical, and also interacting with other spirit beings; I can imagine her returning to earth in spirit, with others, to help people caught in various calamities in the world -- the earthquake in Haiti, the revolts in Egypt, the conflicts in the Holy Land. Ever the doctor, she would want to help people facing terror and death. We have only to call on the spirit world for help, and we receive it. I find it interesting to wonder about the earthly or heavenly identities of those who rally to assist us who pray.
My life has gone on as well. I have felt her help in selling the house we shared, which was too large and expensive for me alone. I have also felt it as I have remodeled the house I bought -- aware of her gift for creating lovely indoor spaces that are light, welcoming, and harmonious. I have certainly felt her active in my good fortune in finding the right partner for this time in my life. At times, Ellen feels very close to me, still -- helpful, nurturing, laughing, smiling. As I continue to learn to respect myself and to treat myself kindly , I thank her for her influence in helping me to begin to learn compassion for myself. When I weep, I hear her saying, as she did so often "When you weep, I'll always be there to support you and love you."
Do I still grieve for her? It's more that I continue to love her and to know she loves me -- even as I go on, living in gratitude for the beautiful, loving moments and people in my life now. As I experience Ellen's second birthday since leaving this world, I give thanks that she was born and that I was fortunate to have loved her and been loved by her. Our life together was right, bringing joy to us and to many who knew us.
We can continue to be joyful, she and I, knowing that our love for each other continues even though we are not together in the same space or the same form at this time. It's the right time for other experiences for both of us.
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