Course of Study

Course of Study October 11 2009


My grandson Avery sits and pouts,

The homework sheet before him,

Asking him to write the first letter, then the last

In each pictured word.

It’s what he has to do for school,

A part of learning how to read and write.

But that’s not what interests him the most about the world.

Playing is so much more fun.



I feel as if I too have been a first grade student

During this beginning year of widowhood –

The basic course is grieving – not a voluntary choice.

The lessons have been hard – adjusting to sudden drastic changes,

Letting go old stuff, finding who I will become,

Accepting a new life, being happy by myself,

Learning about spirit, meditation, and serenity,

Rediscovering passion.

These are required courses, core curriculum –

The serious stuff that I must learn for moving on.



I could sympathize with Avery as he did his homework!

Like him, I’d much rather be at play.





Reflection

The choices are all mine. A new year approaches, as this first year alone draws to its close. What’s my vision? What’s my calling, my mission? What blueprint will I follow in the next steps I take toward becoming all I can be in this life? A New Year can start or end whenever I decide – declaring one just provides a convenient stopping place to take stock and to check my “Inner GPS”: Where am I and where am I going?



What Is October 11 2009

Resistance is my first response.

I don’t like what’s happened.

I stiffen up, drag my feet, look back with longing,

Make faces, weep, and whine.

I’m miserable, twisting like a gale-driven boat,

The towering waves of grief menacing, submerging.



Mourning is my right, perhaps my duty.

But it changes nothing.

Although the raging feelings signal my dislike and my revolt,

What is, is. It just is. It happened.

What if I just said “Yes, it is” and let it be?

Then could I rest and let new life begin?