La Danse

La Danse August 28 2010


We've become the heartbeat of the universe.

The rhythm’s regular and strong.

The drums and fiddles carry on

As dancers crowd the floor, moving

Swiftly to the pulse– dipping, gliding, springing –

We’re all entranced together,

Our bodies driven, minds cocooned, hearts enlaced.

We’ve become as one –

A single multi-headed millipede --

Swirling, passionate, conjoined.



Reflection

Last night, we enjoyed an exhilarating evening of Cajun music, played by masters. Not only was the performance enthralling, the room was filled with swirling dancers who two-stepped giddily, number after number. It was a hypnotic scene, a form of collective trance, a time of transcendence. Great music, of whatever kind, can do that for us – transport us beyond our gravity-dependent, normally sluggish relationship with the earth to an experience of utter unity with all. I had spent two weeks once, many years ago, on a music tour in which the principal musician had also participated. We had liked each other, enjoyed each other. We had not stayed in touch. It was fascinating last night, 35 years later, to see this person again, to see reflected in him the weight of those years on my own being.

Surrender

Surrender August 25 2010


Surrender, giving up,

Knowing that I can’t succeed,

Eating “ ‘Umble Pie.”

I’ve tried and tried and tried again

To be good – to seek perfection.

I’ve always thought I had to do it all myself,

To make everything work smoothly.

But then the moment’s come

When I’ve known it’s more than I can do.

If I stop the struggle, giving up.

Will I despair, thinking that’s the end?

If so, it won’t work either.

I’ll be overcome by grace, by help, and love.

I’ll be all right.

Why did I struggle so? Why have I fought again and then again?

When will I learn that surrendering my pride --accepting help--

Brings true reward? – That it’s the way my life’s supposed to be?



REFLECTION

I’m still a novice at humility, obviously. Where did I get that idea, that everything is up to me? Is it the legacy of being a conscientious oldest daughter with a sick mother? It’s so easy for me to believe I have to do everything better, faster, and smarter than anyone else. It’s like a mirage in the dessert – totally convincing that it’s real until the moment comes to try to drink from the non-existent oasis. It's a false premise. 

When I subscribe to that illusion of total responsibility for doing things perfectly,  life becomes a struggle. Surrendering this foolish image of myself and accepting that help is always at hand if I just reach out and request it brings such joy and relief. Just because I put things on my own to-do list doesn’t mean there’s any sense to judging myself against that list.

I can think of surrender as groveling in shame because I couldn’t do everything perfectly and on time according to my self-imposed expectations. Within this paradigm, I will be miserable. Or I can conceive of it as joyful acceptance – letting go into the loving help of God, which will bring joy and serenity. Which path do I choose today? And today? And today? -- The choice is always there to make, right now.

Moments

Living in the Moment Aug 23 2010


Each moment brings its own surprises –

Something lost that renders all impossible,

The smile of a friend expressing love,

Someone being where I didn’t plan for him,

A kind gesture offering solace, source of grace,

A mood that dashes hope and happiness and feels like abandonment,

A child’s joyful story-sharing.



I walk along the shore of life --

The beach where memories collect--

Sombered by this flotsam of my expectations of today –

Shattered trash or shiny little treasures strewn about the sands and rocks by

Ever restless minutes -- rushing, waning, changing what they bring and what they take.

The next may bring a new elation --

I leave my expectations open, ready once again to soar.

Reflection

The feelings elicited by the passing moments resemble restless, scudding clouds racing across a clear, sparking sky. An unanticipated distraction means my calendar has disappeared and can’t be found anywhere. I feel lost without knowing what appointments and commitments I’ve made. But then, just seconds later, my day is graced by the love of someone close – a momentary burst of glory, equally unexpected. I go to the DMV office to replace my missing driver’s license, only to find a standing room only crowd with a predicted four hour waiting time when the office will close in three hours. But then my disappointment is countered by a kind official providing me with the information I will need to replace the license online without having to come back and wait another day. A long-anticipated meeting to plan a ceremony produces lingering anxiety and tension, leading to the chance for deeper love and understanding. A day passes like that, intermingling unexpected moments of joy and disappointment. It reminds me of the fascinating mix of objects, covered in left-over foam and sand or interlaced with seaweed and string, that a stroll along the beach provides for careful examination – the yield changing with every tide as the mixture of unexpected experiences morphs with each day and hour. Life is never dull!

Vacation Trip

Re-entry August 23 2010


We travel up, away, into new orbits, new excitement.

Seeing endless promise, new perspectives --

Wonderfully exciting, satisfying,

Like astronauts, we walk in space,

Freed from gravity of duty, schedules, daily chores.

But re-entry looms.

We draw close, approaching splash down,

Then, relinquishing adventure’s quest,

Take back our daily cares,

Re-inhabiting our old small tasks and spaces,

We are, however, changed, enlarged,

Forever liberated just a little ,

Having seen and felt infinity.



Reflection:

Summer is a time to travel, to expand, to rest and feel free. On vacation trips, we try on different realms of life as if traveling to outer galaxies. Nancy and I just returned from a trip to visit family, and discovered an opportunity, in Huntsville, AL, to see a variety of actual space shuttles and to learn about the astronauts’ experiences. The films taken from the Hubble and the spacecraft that traveled to service it were awe-inspiring – a true glimpse of an apparently infinite universe. What a different scale from our normal earthbound perspective! And yet, like the astronauts, though experiencing a few days without the weight of daily schedules and concerns, we soon found ourselves touching down back at home, needing to face again the too-long to-do lists that we’d abandoned for a few days. It’s good to get a reminder occasionally that weightlessness exists, and to learn again to just be, without constantly having to perform and produce.