Endings and Beginnings

Graduating October 24 2010


I sat in church this morning – the church I’d felt I had to leave

To fully live within my changing life.

I haven’t been there for a bit.

Both the ministers are leaving.

This was their last day

Before they move along on their respective paths

To find whatever’s next.

I sat among my old church family,

The teardrops flowing.

I hate good-byes!

It was like a graduation – an important ending --

Doors closing so we can’t turn backwards.

Once a door shuts, there’s no choice but to go on,

To find an open one

Where beckons new unfolding,

Shepherding us closer yet to Love and Light,

Bringing greater joy and satisfaction.

Like new graduates, we’ve done the course,

Learned the lessons,

Received diplomas.

No matter how it’s felt, we’ve found success.

We exit, wandering scholars in this course called “life.”

Reflection

Today reminded me of other “graduations” – not the academic ones that have added worldly initials after my name, but the ones whose hard lessons have solidified for me essential new insights on the way to discovering what life is really about – learning all the different ways in which my ego is an obstacle to joy, an illusion obstructing the Truth of infinite life and love. From entering the convent at 16, through being kicked out at 19, learning to live in a different country, deciding to return to my homeland, getting married, becoming a mother, developing a professional career, losing my job, becoming ill, having my daughter leave the nest, leaving my next job and my marriage simultaneously, becoming a homeopath, living and then losing my partnership with Ellen, and now, starting a new relationship, shifting into new communities, and studying for yet another professional role – each beginning and each ending has brought new challenges, new joys, new sorrows, new insights, and, finally, new endings and beginnings. Beginnings and endings seem essential aspects of this earthly life, which can be seen as a series of learning opportunities. At each one, I feel sadness, then curiosity and excitement, and finally the joy of discovering my new place and new ways of being. May everyone who shared today participate in these joyful outcomes as they leave behind what has been.

I wrote the following poem at the ending/ beginning that occurred almost two years ago, after Ellen had died, and I was submerged in deep mourning. It was another difficult moment of graduation.

New Year’s Eve December 31 2008

I’m watching “Live from Lincoln Center”:

They’re interviewing Loren Maazel.

Maestro Maazel observes, about his retirement,

“Life is all about Beginnings and Endings.”

This New Year’s Eve marks the end --

The last hours

Of the last year I shared with Ellen.

And it signals a beginning –

The first moments

Of what I will be this next time “when I grow up”--

My graduation from a course in love, with Ellen as my teacher,

Ushers in my soul’s time now to unfurl and soar, alone.