Building

Relationship March 5 2010


It’s not simple, falling in love.

There is that easy magic carpet feeling

Where life takes on new colors and new shine.

But to make the easy dream become reality,

We stumble over time’s inexorable scarcity,

We build the sacred bower, even as a bird --

Piling on one twig here, another there –

A shared experience, a smile, a loving choice, a glint of insight,

A private word, a surprise “I love you,” A helping hand,

A change of habits to transform two lives into one that’s shared.

Each piece is buttressed by the next

Building a stalwart, safe retreat

Within the other’s arms and heart and joyous choice to be together,

Becoming one, becoming love.



Reflection

Nancy and I have been going back and forth in Limbo, staying together first at the house of one, then the other, across a section of our town, several miles each way, dogs in tow. It’s hard to remember to replenish what’s needed at each house, so we don’t have to make added trips to get necessities. The sweetness of feeling the other’s energy next to ours, of sharing a bed and conversation over meals – this is a strong motivation to keep the pendulum swinging between our houses. I’ve now found and bought the house across the street from hers, so that our trysts can be more convenient. It’s not time to move in together, and this seems as if it might provide a helpful assist in building greater closeness and shared perspective. I wanted to downsize anyway, and it was time. And this is a lovely house that I’m looking forward to inhabiting.

As we stumble through the first months of relationship, I begin to remember the detours that Ellen and I had taken, and to respect and honor even more the patience, generosity, and commitment with which Ellen and I both had collaborated to build a strong and supportive relationship. We had to want it, and we did! It followed our wanting, and became a reality. But it really wasn’t an instantaneous “falling” … it was an enjoyable yet patient building – a construction job. Building what we wanted was incredibly rewarding. It made us happy in ways we would never have known if we hadn’t put forth that commitment. I once told Ellen I hated processing. But ultimately, the process of growing into love as we actually learned to build relationship was fascinating, and I learned that I don’t hate process – in fact I rather like it.