Dying Time

Dying Time February 3, 2010


Where does a lifetime go?

It seems that just a bit ago

Our lives were very different.

I scan group pictures from cookouts, reunions, anniversaries.

Mom and Dad, my sisters and I, and our young spouses,

The kids and grandkids not yet arrived – our image of “us” unchanged from early years –

Clothes and dogs and haircuts well-remembered – the way things used to be.

Now, another funeral -- another face erased from daily life,

Our family picture of this moment’s a group of newer people –

It seems we’ve passed through several lives behind our backs –

Unawares – while we were looking elsewhere.

In children’s faces and our own, we see brief hints of those who used to be,

And wonder at the forward march of our own lives,

Accelerating toward a fading future.



Reflection:

After a day spent visiting very small children who are just starting to emerge as individuals, I feel as though life has come full circle. I can remember when I was one of the little kids, contemplating those terribly old aunts and uncles – wondering how anyone could be SO old, and still able to move about.

Today, when my niece helped me compensate for my painful back by bringing a chair (everyone else was sitting on the floor in the elegantly equipped playroom, watching the 16 month old twins), I felt antique, reminded of ancient relatives from my own childhood. They would sit primly on chairs, wearing large , hats, white cotton or grey leather gloves, and musty smelling coats with fur, smiling down on us – distanced from me by decades. Their gray hair was permed, and their eyes gleamed from behind rimless glasses. Aunt Jennie could hear nothing, despite the enormous, palm-sized hearing aid amplifier she wore in a pocket under her dress. They pinched my cheek and leaned over and asked me irrelevant and boring questions, the sounds whistling through ill-fitting teeth. Old people were kind of strange.

Now it’s my turn. I remember my serious misgivings about the alien-seeming older relatives, and try to imagine what my great nephews and great nieces must be thinking as I sit enthroned on my chair, lean over, and ask them questions to which they have no answers, or which they do not hear amid their playful seriousness, as the electronic voices of their toys chime and sing.

Getting Older August 29 2009

Yes, I guess I’m getting older, as days and months pass by.

I’ve heard it said that no one feels their age,

And I can say that’s true.

Inside, I just am, and do; I feel, think, sing, cut flowers, shed tears --

Go about each day’s life just being me.

When I perceive a new behavior of my body

And people say “Oh, yes, that happens when you’re growing older,”

I’m surprised.

Who, me?? Am I getting older? When did that happen?

My back hurts more, my vision’s worse at night,

I have to run a little faster to the Ladies’ room;

Lately I’ve been waking after only 6 hours of sleep…

It never dawns on me to think “Oh, yes – because I’m old.”

Maybe these things happen just because they do,

And age is only one more number on a calendar or form.

I know that I don’t have to count to be myself within each moment,

You can think about my getting older if you wish.

I choose to keep on loving windsong, blossoms, making order -- life itself.

These things have no calendar attached.



Blended Families August 20 2009

I’m anticipating a reunion--

Everyone in one spot at one time—

I see the ways that families blend,

Mix together, adopt new members --

Being born, getting married, moving in.

Then I think even further out, and picture the

Assemblage that will greet our souls

On crossing over – Not unlike memorials on earth --

People from many sources, who would not know each other

Except through us.

Families from different places, different backgrounds,

Who would never otherwise have met,

Will stand side by side to share the moment

We arrive to be with them.

Each of us connects so many other souls

It makes it clearer how we all are one creation,

One community, one reservoir of love.