Commemoration

September 11 2009



One Year Later…


Ellen:


“Betrothed” March 20 2001

I cleave unto you as I cleave unto my soul,

A pure shining light

Which never has failed me.

Reflections:

One year ago today may have been the most joyful day of my life. My bubbele and I were married, on a small beach on the South Coast of Massachusetts, before a Justice of the Peace. It was a consummation – after intense years together, loving each other, growing in spirit, and dancing the cancer vigil. We never knew when death would come, though it was hovering; we enfdeavored to live what each moment brought without always being mindful of the threat of separation looming over us.

Today, alone, drenched to the skin, with rain dripping down my neck despite the thin protection of a nylon hood, I stood in our marriage spot, alone. It was a moment of mourning, of acknowledging deep loss.

I performed two small ceremonial acts, in honor of the love Ellen and I shared. As we had 10 years ago when we first knew that we were meant to be together, I threw two stones into the water with a pledge of undying love. When the tide turned so it was going out, I laid a bouquet of two beautiful, fragrant, coral colored roses tied together with baby’s breath and ferns – a lovely bridal bouquet – on the water, and watched as it, like our life together, receded into the distance, floating out to sea. I had thought of this day as a commemoration of our love. It was that. It was likewise – like the bouquet given to the sea -- a moment to let go, to start looking forward to the end of this sad transition – to whatever my next life stage will bring. This is the challenge of widowhood.

Rosemary:


Remembering - September 11 2009

2008:

This day dawned fair and mild –

Perfect weather to reflect our deep and loving joy,

As we came to this spot, to marry.

Our hearts overflowed with love.

We radiated with delight.



2009:

I come back to “our” beach with you in spirit.

Gray skies hang low.

Gulls, instead of soaring, huddle silently against the cutting storm.

Wind-driven rain beats, sharp, against my face,

The drops cascading down with my own tears.

I stand right where we stood a year ago,

To pledge undying love.

In memory, I throw two stones into the water,

Then slowly, weeping quietly,

I turn and walk away – alone.