Same Sex Marriage -- A Long Journey

A Year Ago… We Got Married… A Same Sex Couple


Co-Creating November 29 2008


Two minds, two hearts, three hands..
One spirit, Creating one life for our time together.
Two houses, two kitchens, two histories , two professions
Unified in us, in our space, our aura.
We were Not one, Not two –
Instead something other, beautiful, hopeful, more --
We lived the love that humans long for in their deepest hearts.
Now you are there, and I am here – Still united.
We sit astride, one foot on earth, the other where?
I wonder how to be in two places.

Reflections


A year ago tomorrow, you and I flew to New England for our “real” wedding – the one recorded in a town hall, with a marriage certificate.

The wedding, whose anniversary we’ll celebrate, on that same Massachusetts beach, on September 11, was the culmination of a series of vows we made, privately and publicly, to have and to hold from now forward… to be spouses.

It’s hard to get married, though, as a same sex couple. We tried repeatedly. Our love demanded it.


Our first ceremony took place October 11, 1999, at Stinson Beach, in California. You always loved the ocean, and gravitated toward beaches. We walked out toward the water, in the stiff wind, together. We each threw a pebble, picked up on the beach, into the great Pacific Ocean; facing each other and holding hands, we pledged our forever love. That was the first page of our long search for identity as a couple -- not just "housemates," not just "friends" or "companions." We were soul mates -- spouses.


Why Gay Marriage? January 17, 2009


We were committed.
From the start, we knew we were The Ones.

1999:
We vowed eternal love, tossing pebbles into restless waves,
Private wedding rite at Stinson Beach –
Only ourselves, the gulls, and beach strollers to witness.
But, though no one understood,
We were in fact a couple --
For better or worse, in sickness or in health.

Though both women, we weren’t just housemates, lovers, “friends”;
The body’s gender doesn’t always match the nature of the soul.
How to get this point across? How to tell others?
Without “married,” we were silenced, mute.

2002:


Trying to shout the truth, we held a ceremony and reception,
Pledged undying love before minister, family, friends, and neighbors.
The people there understood our goal, but we were still Outsiders.
A commitment ceremony was separate, not equal.
We could not be considered “family.”

2004:

We learned that Oregon now welcomed same sex couples.
We went and were married;
We were joyful, finally accepted.
But the next year, our marriage, with thousands more,
Was ruled an error, involuntarily annulled.
We felt violated by the court.

2008:

Years later, at last, not long before she died,
Trundling oxygen and cancer meds,
We were recorded legally -- married, at last, in Massachusetts.
In our hearts, we thanked the people of that state.
Finally, we counted -- no longer on the outside looking in.

Why did we try so hard for marriage?
Why need the same rights as others?
Because then everyone could grasp we were a couple.
We were mystically wedded, forever bonded, “not one not two,”
Married, we could simply say the truth, be who we were, and people knew.