Lonesome Days

Rosemary: Loneliness September 26 2009

A desolate gray, misty day –
Familiar lonesome feelings.
I arrived a little late.
As I watched the group involved in work,
I felt a well known sense that I should not disturb --
Unworthiness? Perhaps.
It stopped me as surely as a wall,
Left me in my old, accustomed place,
On the outside looking in.

Then, seeking company, I found a café,
Grabbed some lunch.
A big party was going on – laughter, chatter, happy friends.
I sat at a table large enough for four.
People came over, and we both smiled.
Then, instead of sitting down,
They politely carried off the empty chairs, one by one,
To enlarge surrounding groups.
I felt forlorn on the lone remaining seat.

Leaving there, I walked into the shop next door, and purchased
Lovely flowers, a scented candle, and some yummy cookies –
The hints of beauty standing in for cheer and comfort.


Reflection
I suddenly realize how beautiful surroundings and sensory pleasures increase in importance as one feels more alone. I think of you, my Bubbe, and your gorgeous loft when we first met. You had lavished abundant energy on creating visual perfection. I know you also felt intensely alone in the world. You had expressed the love in your soul in your surroundings, much as a bower bird pours all his energy into building the largest, best, and most beautiful home for the mate he wishes to attract. The loft was indeed a most exquisite, nurturing nest for our relationship.

Ellen: An Epiphany of Radishes (1992/1998)

I sat all Saturday morning.
Feeling flatness,
The abyss,
Emptiness,
Nothingness.

I walked to the Greenmarket.
Round red bunches of radishes in a row.
Glistening with the water that had washed them.
Reminded me that there was a world that sparkled.
Phalanxes of radishes.

Reminding me that there was grace
In experiencing them.
The void fills with their plump redness
And they keep me company.
And I am not alone.

Ellen Scheiner